What This Moment Needs

More than once this summer, someone has asked me some version of the same question: "So is this coaching, or is this advisory?"What they're really asking is what it will be like to work with me.

It's a fair question. From the outside, the two can look similar. Two people in conversation. Reflection. Someone helping you think something through.

But they aren't the same, and the difference is bigger than most people expect.

In coaching, the decision stays with you. My job is to ask the questions that help you get there — not to tell you what I'd do, but to help you uncover what you already know, or hadn't yet let yourself consider.

In advisory, I can lean in further. I can offer a perspective directly. Challenge an assumption. Tell you what I'd be paying attention to if I were sitting in your seat.

Both start from the same place. Curiosity. Respect for what someone already knows. A belief that they're capable of working through what's in front of them.

What changes is how much of my own view enters the room.

For the last twenty months, I've coached someone who was promoted from being part of a team to leading it. He was managing a lot of change — no longer having colleagues in quite the same way, spending more time thinking things through on his own, shifting from being one of the team to being responsible for it, and managing up as much as down. In our weekly sessions, he never ran out of ideas. What he needed wasn't more of mine. He needed space to think them through out loud and trust the ones that were already good. That's coaching.

Earlier this summer, I was describing the kind of business owner my new business hoped to reach — someone excellent at their craft, whose confidence in selling what they do still had room to grow. Someone I was talking with went quiet, then said she recognized herself in that description exactly. She'd spent five years building her practice and was confident in everything she brought to her clients, except when it came to selling herself. As she listened to me talk through my own launch, she felt comfortable enough to ask if she could hire me to help. She wasn't looking for space to find her own answer — she already brought plenty to the table. What she needed was someone who could look at what she'd built and tell her where to start. That's advisory.

One needed a question. The other needed an answer.

Neither is more valuable than the other. They solve different problems.

What I notice most often is someone coming in expecting one when what they find helps most is the other. Someone asking for coaching when what would serve them more is a direct answer. Someone asking for advisory when what would serve them more is space to work it out themselves, with their own judgment intact.

I've learned to ask a simple question early in a conversation: Do you want my perspective, or do you want space to find yours?

The answer isn't always obvious right away. Sometimes it takes a few minutes of talking before someone realizes which one they're actually looking for.

What I care about more than the label is getting that answer right. If I lean in with an opinion when someone needed space to think, I've taken something from them. If I hold back with questions when someone needed a direct answer, I've left them without what they came for.

Some sessions are purely coaching. Some are purely advisory. Many are some combination of both, and I leave it to the person I'm working with to tell me what they need in that moment. What matters most is meeting them where they are.

Which one are you looking for right now — someone to ask the right questions, someone to tell you what they'd do, or a combination of the two?

Choosing someone to work with is an important decision. I hope these articles give you a sense of who I am and whether I'm the right person for that conversation. If they do, the next step is simply a conversation.